Lessons from Matthew

Matthew

I can only hope that the path I take in my life can create and leave some positive things for the world around me. I know my path will be both good and bad, but I must continue forward the best I know how. When I reach a barrier or realize a limit, I will simply gather myself fundamentally and continue. 

-Matthew Moore

We have all had varied high school experiences.  Some of us were part of the popular group and were invited to all the best parties, while others of us barely struggled to survive the sea of teenage angst.  I definitely fell into the latter category and often say to others that I should sue Napoleon Dynamite for stealing my look.

Yes, my teenage years were not exactly the best years of my life but they do still hold some valuable lessons that I pass on to my students who are just entering that sometimes troubling time themselves.   Going into high school was panic attack inducing for me.  Feeder schools all cycled into one massive high school and from the moment I got my schedule in the mail, I was frantically calling my limited friend list to see what classes, if any, that we had together.  One of my biggest fears was that I would walk into a class and not know a single person.  Sadly, it came true.

Upon walking into my first history class of the year, I discovered that I did not recognize anyone.  Being a few minutes early, I put my books down on the closest desk and ducked out of the room in hopes of seeing a familiar face coming down the hall.  No such luck.  When I knew that I couldn't delay it any longer, I walked back into the classroom and discovered that someone had taken all my materials and had tossed them to the ground.  To add insult to injury, everything had fresh dirty footprints all over, ruining a binder and fresh stack of paper.  The teacher was nowhere to be seen (smoke break) and several students sat in their chairs giggling at me, seemingly enjoying my pain and embarrassment.  Even as I write this, my hands are shaking just bringing it back into my memory.

Me, glasses and all

I stood there for what seemed like an eternity literally frozen.  I stared at my books but felt immobilized and not sure what to do.  People had picked on me through the years, but this was different.  They were strangers.  I had done nothing wrong except put my books down.  Yes, I did fit the ultra nerd look, but it was not my fault.  I did not choose to have bad vision and wear bottle thick glasses.  I did not choose my bad skin.  I did not choose to have my crazy out of control hair.  (I was still a year or two away from discovering hair gel.)

In the middle of my desperation, a student named Matthew Moore, stood up and became my advocate.  He came over to me and began picking up my books, even straightening out the crumpled papers that seemed beyond repair.  I stood there, still frozen watching him do this.  Once he was done, Matthew put his hand on my shoulder and said "Come on, there's a seat over here" and he took me to sit beside him.  Although still wanting to crawl under a rock, I was so relieved to have Matthew there with me.

My schedule soon changed and I moved out of the class, never to have another class with Matthew again.  Despite that, every time I passed Matthew in the hall, he always smiled at me and asked how I was doing.   No, we were not best friends and we certainly never hung out in the same social groups.  He was one of the most popular kids in school, while I was relegated to dork status, especially once I began the torturous task of getting my jacked up teeth fixed with all sorts of torture devices.

I never got the chance to thank Matthew for what he did for me that day.  If I did, I would say that he was the closest thing to a physical guardian angel that I ever had in my life.  Tragically, Matthew and another student, Seth Adams, were killed on their way back from a spring break trip to Chicago.  Their deaths sent shockwaves throughout the school and left our Senior class in shambles.

Although a long time has passed since Matthew died, I still think of him often.  What was probably to him just two or three minutes of being kind to a stranger, has in reality impacted me for the last 25 years.  Matthew left behind a quote for our literary magazine which says;

"I can only hope that the path I take in my life can create and leave some positive things for the world around me.  I know my path will be both good and bad, but I must continue forward the best I know how.  When I reach a barrier or realize a limit, I will simply gather myself fundamentally and continue."

As a teacher, I try to instill the idea of being kind to one another into my classroom.   The way that they treat each other can have a long lasting impact, either good or bad.  I begin the year by doing a journal writing activity based on Matthew's quote and telling them the story above.  Although, it is a bit uncomfortable for me to share and also embarrassing, it helps to create a personal connection with the kids.  I feel that sharing personal moments like these with the kids can help broaden and open up communication.  There is nothing wrong with showing our humanity to the kids.

I wrote earlier that I never got the chance to thank Matthew, well here it is:  Matthew, thank you for being kind.  Thank you for looking up from your desk and seeing someone in need and taking action rather than doing the easy thing and simply ignoring it.  Thank you for providing a moment that I can share with my students and even though you are gone I hope that I can keep your legacy of kindness alive so that others can learn from it.  You were taken from this world far too early but your memory remains in the hearts of your closest friends, family and a formerly scared kid that you helped when he needed it the most.

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